Puppy is the Spawn of Satan

<intro>
We went down to the pet shop
My wife was in a state
'Just one quick puppy hug', she said
and now she feeds him from my plate

Puppy is the spawn of Satan
It's clear as day to me
And if you lived in our house
I know that you'd agree

Puppy is the spawn of Satan
He answers no command
(alt. -- Feared throughout the land)
If you bend down to pat him
You may well lose your hand

The dog is named Blade Runner
But we all call him Blade
My wife's a fan of Ridley Scott
Seen every film he's ever made

But if they made a feature film
About this canine fiend
You'd love the drama when he finds
A floor that's freshly cleaned

My newspaper is shredded
Before I get to read
My favorite shoes have all been chewed
to satiate his dental greed

Got up the other mornin'
Put one foot on the floor
The hound had left a present
Like so many times before

But something 'bout his fuzzy face
Just seems to make me smile
And I've not heard my young boy laugh
Just quite that way in quite a while

There is no dog that's cuter
That's how he can survive
A furry frantic ball of love
That makes you glad to be alive

So I'm in league with Lucifer
Perhaps one day I'll burn
But now the pup's at home
And he's awaiting my return

<final chorus>
Still, puppy is the spawn of Satan
Clear as day to me
C'mon around our neighborhood
I know that you'll agree

Puppy is the spawn of Satan
He has but one command
That you forget your cares & woes
And let him lick your hand